Linda Smith.

I have been writing about Erith and the surrounding areas for over thirteen years now. One former local resident who looms large in the public perception of the town is the late comedian Linda Smith. I am hopeful that a new road on the forthcoming Park East estate (what used to be called the Arthur Street estate, that is currently being redeveloped). Linda Smith was born in Erith in 1958, and was educated at Erith College of Technology (now London South East College, Bexley) and at the University of Sheffield where she graduated in English and Drama. She joined a professional theatre company before turning to comedy. In 1987, she won the Hackney Empire New Act of the Year, then known as the New London Comic Award, and performed on the Edinburgh Fringe before breaking into radio comedy. Many of her early stand-up appearances were benefit concerts staged in solidarity with the British miners during the Miners' Strike in the 1980s. She was a lifelong socialist. Her first appearances on national radio were on Radio 5's The Treatment in 1997. She was subsequently a regular panellist on The News Quiz and Just a Minute, and appeared frequently on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (from June 2001 onwards), Have I Got News for You, Mock the Week, Countdown and QI. She wrote and starred in her own Radio 4 sitcom, Linda Smith's A Brief History of Timewasting. After appearing on Radio 4's Devout Sceptics to discuss her beliefs she was asked by the British Humanist Association (BHA) to become president of the society – a role that she occupied with commitment from 2004 until her death. In 2002, she was voted 'Wittiest Living Person' by listeners to BBC Radio 4's Word of Mouth. On 17 November 2003, Smith appeared on the BBC television show Room 101, where she successfully managed to put in "adults who read Harry Potter books", Tim Henman, "Back to School signs that appear in shops" and "posh people". However, she failed to put in Bow ties after host Paul Merton pointed out that Stan Laurel regularly wore a bow tie. On 27 February 2006, Smith died as a consequence of ovarian cancer at the age of 48. She had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer three and a half years earlier but, not wanting to be thought of as a patient or a victim, she did not want people to know. Before she died she chose that her funeral be humanist, and her memorial at the Theatre Royal, Stratford East, on 10 March, was dedicated to the BHA. Her life and work were honoured at the British Academy Television Awards in 2006. The first episode of Dawn French's Girls Who Do: Comedy was dedicated to the memory of Linda Smith. Two tribute gigs were held in her memory. The first took place on 14 May 2006 at the Lyceum Theatre, Sheffield, In Praise of an English Radical, the second on 4 June 2006 at the Victoria Palace Theatre in London entitled Tippy Top: An Evening of Linda Smith's Favourite Things. In August 2006, Andy Hamilton presented a BBC Radio 4 tribute entitled Linda Smith: A Modern Radio Star. An anthology on CD, entitled I Think the Nurses Are Stealing My Clothes: The Very Best of Linda Smith, was released in November 2006 as was a book with the same name. A tribute show of the same name was aired on BBC Radio 4 on 10 November 2006. Linda Smith was an amazing entertainer and observer of the human condition; unfortunately her most famous one - liner has come to haunt the local area, and to (in my mind, anyway) give an unfair impression. She said "Erith isn't twinned with anywhere, but it does have a mutual suicide pact with Dagenham". Her life partner, Warren Larking has recently been working with The University of Kent to archive her work. Like many comedians, Linda Smith recorded every performance she made – mainly to find out what jokes and stories worked with her audience, and those that did not. Warren Larkin inherited this cast collection of cassettes, video tapes and CD’s upon her death, and has now decided to donate the thousands of hours of recording to The University of Kent, so that they can digitise the recordings before the magnetic tape deteriorates to the point where it becomes unplayable. The head of Drama at the University, Professor Double said of the collection” “Having her complete work is incredible. Usually we just hear the ‘best of’ compilations, but this collection includes off-air work so you can hear how she developed her skills and when things go a bit wonky. It is still early days, but ultimately it would be great if we can get most of this available online, much like the history of cartoons archive the university has, but that is some way in to the future. We have the time consuming job of going through it all first to see exactly what we have. It is an exciting time.” This all sounds like excellent news – Linda Smith was an important comic and writer, and one of the few people from Erith to make a name for themselves outside of the local area. Occasional Maggot Sandwich contributor and site owner of The Belvedere Splash Facebook group Ian wrote the following article about Linda Smith and events shortly after her untimely death:- "In 2006 I was an avid listener to BBC7 (or Radio 4 Extra as it is now known), DAB radio was still pretty niche and a station playing classic comedy and radio plays even more so, but I lapped up the likes of Hancock, Round The Horne and assorted drama and documentaries as well as classic sci-fi like Doctor Who. I’d heard of some of the shows but being in my mid-30s I had never heard stuff like this before, quality laugh out loud comedies and programmes to make me ponder and get excited about that were made (mostly) 20 years or so before I was even born. Beat the hell out of what was currently on TV (even if no-one got the references I dropped into day to day conversation!) and as we had two small children I spent a lot of time in the kitchen pottering about so had the time and space to listen to the radio where as sitting on the sofa watching TV was a distant memory. I signed up to the BBC7 weekly newsletter and a few months after Linda Smith’s passing they announced they would be having a memorial tribute show and a competition to win tickets and a rather spiffing BBC branded portable Roberts radio. I’m not sure if I was the only entrant but I’m 99 percent sure I was the only entrant from Erith, Linda’s home town, whichever the case I won. I must admit I’d heard of Linda Smith but only vaguely. I remember about 10 years before hand flicking on the TV late one night and seeing her talk about “Eriff” in her stand up and had heard a few shows with her as a panellist on The News Quiz, Just a Minute and I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue but I can’t say I knew her or her comedy that well but was…proud (?) to have a comedienne who came from the same area I lived in (the only other one I can think of off hand from the local area is the brilliant Mark Steel, who originated from Swanley). The BBC7 controller (a lovely lady, sadly her name escapes me) contacted me to say I’d won and we ended up striking up quite a nice little friendship that lasted a few months after the tribute show. She seemed interested on my thoughts and enthusiasm about the station because of my age and the fact I went against the BBC’s demographics of who would listen to the station, she’d also run into Linda a few times whilst working at the BBC and was interested in my view on Erith (nicking and paraphrasing a line from Mr Pewty, I once told her the best view of the place was through the viewfinder on a bomber flying over). The night of the show rolled around and after securing a babysitter my wife and I trooped up to a studio theatre in the backstreets of London to sit and watch the recording of “Linda Smith: A Modern Radio Star” compared by Andy Hamilton (writer and performer in the rather fabulous Old Harry’s Game and BBC1’s Outnumbered) with a stellar cast of comedy stars, friends and colleagues including Jeremy Hardy, Mark Steel, Hattie Hayridge, Sandi Toksvig, Nicholas Parsons, Chris Neill, Tony Hawks, Phill Jupitus, Simon Hoggart, Barry Cryer and her partner Warren Lakin. I was a bit awestruck to be honest as we were sat in the front row and mingled with the cast in the bar. Some of these people I had grown up with on TV, read books written by them and in the case of Barry Cryer I was in the presence of a veritable God of comedy (he’s written or had a hand in writing for everyone from Bob Hope to Morecambe and Wise to John Cleese, Marty Feldman, The Goodies, Kenny Everett, the list is never-ending). I offered to buy him a drink and he laughed wryly and waving his bottle at the bar told me he drunk for free. The BBC7 controller was there too and was a gracious host and I noticed she kept watching me and my wife during the show when Linda’s life in Erith was brought up. The show that went out didn’t bear much relation to the one we watched as it was very off the cuff and relaxed and (Phill Jupitus especially) very sweary. There was obviously a lot of love for Linda in the room but even though her dying was the reason we were all there was no maudlin sadness, in fact there was nothing but joy. Sadly we had to leave just before the end of the show due to having to catch the last train home but it was a wonderful night and I can’t think of a warmer, more intimate, more affectionate send off to a comedian. She was obviously well loved by her contemporaries and that shone throughout the show". Fascinating stuff; I wonder how long it will be before the local area produces another entertainer of similar calibre? Email me at hugh.neal@gmail.com.

Regular Maggot Sandwich readers may be aware that I had an involvement with offshore radio station Radio Caroline in the late 80's / early 90's - as can be seen by my photos located here. I was based on the Ross Revenge, the ship Radio Caroline had used since 1983, and is still around in 2020, though it is now moored in the River Blackwater in Essex, where it is possible to visit it on certain occasions - click here if you are interested in joining an organised visiting trip. Prior to the advent of the Ross Revenge, Radio Caroline had a previous ship, the smaller and somewhat less sturdy Mi Amigo. The Mi Amigo sank during a storm, almost exactly forty years ago. In what was a life threatening situation, the radio-ship which had withstood a beaching in 1966 and the best part of a decade at sea with little or no maintenance, finally gave up on the night of 19th - 20th March 1980 after the anchor chain snapped in a north easterly gale and she drifted onto Long Sands where she grounded. The Sheerness lifeboat Helen Turnbull was called out and stood by as the Mi Amigo floundered. Although the crew initially thought it might be possible to call a tender to tow them back to the normal anchorage, the weather had other thoughts, and heavy seas caused the ship to be lifted up and down on what was left of the anchor chain. Holes were soon punched into her thin hull with the result that, with the bilge pumps being unable to clear the water faster than it was flooding in, the ship was doomed. Presenter Stevie Gordon made a final announcement before he, fellow presenters Tom Anderson and Nick Richards, along with a Dutch engineer Hans Verlaan, prepared to abandon ship. The Helen Turnbull made some thirteen attempts to get close enough to Mi Amigo to take the men – plus the ship's canary – off, which they finally did. The Mi Amigio finally sank some 20 minutes later, leaving just the aerial mast sticking above the crashing waves. It was the end of an era. Less than three years later, Radio Caroline was back on air from the North Sea from the Ross Revenge. The station is still very much alive and well, broadcasting on 648 KHz on Medium wave, in many parts of the country on DAB, and streaming online. You can see the Radio Caroline website by clicking here.

At 10:30pm on Wednesday, 8th March 1978, exactly forty two years ago today, the first episode of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was broadcast on BBC Radio 4. At the time no-one - least of all its creator Douglas Adams - would have known that the story of galactically - displaced nobody Arthur Dent would one day travel as far in the pop-cultural landscape as the book’s characters did across the universe. I got into Hitchhikers pretty early on - I recall that when I was at school, I could recite, word perfect, entire chunks of the first two books. In the years since in inception, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy has existed in almost every form imaginable - first a radio series, then a book, record albums (different to the radio versions), a television series, various stage productions, a computer game, a towel and a major motion picture - each one expanding on or compressing previous versions, using some aspects, flatly contradicting others and completely ignoring the rest. It has proven astonishingly prolific as a franchise, and that’s probably because its main thesis – that the universe is an idiosyncratic and absurd place as viewed from a human perspective – is one that can’t help but resonate with audiences across time and space. One of Adams's stated goals was to be experimental in the use of sound. Being a fan of Pink Floyd and The Beatles, and especially the experimental concept albums both bands produced in the late 1960s and early 1970s, Adams wanted the programme to have the feel of a "rock album ... to convey the idea that you actually were on a spaceship or an alien planet—that sense of a huge aural landscape". The first series was therefore the first BBC radio comedy to use stereophonic techniques. Adams later said that before Hitchhiker's, stereo was deemed impossible for radio comedy and after it was made compulsory. Producer Geoffrey Perkins recalled that the technology available in 1978 for mixing sound effects at the BBC's Paris Theatre radio studio was limited. The production had one eight track tape recorder at their disposal and so many of the effects in the programme were mixed "live" with tape loops of background sound effects strung around the recording studio. Actors whose speech needed to be modified in post-production by Radiophonic technicians, such as Stephen Moore's performance as Marvin the Android, were recorded in isolation from the main "humanoid" characters. Allegedly, Moore recorded most of his performance in a cupboard and met the other actors only after the first session was complete. The theme tune used for the radio series (and all subsequent adaptations) is "Journey of the Sorcerer", an instrumental piece composed by Bernie Leadon and recorded by The Eagles on their album One of These Nights. Adams chose this song for its futuristic-sounding nature, but also for the fact that it had a banjo in it, which, as Geoffrey Perkins recalls, Adams said would give it an "on the road, hitch-hiking feel" Sound and effects were created by Paddy Kingsland, Dick Mills and Harry Parker of the BBC Radiophonic Workshop. Several of the sound effects recorded by Dick Mills for the first series were released on the album BBC Sound Effects No. 26 – Sci-Fi Sound Effects. In case you are unfamiliar with The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the reason I picked the forty second anniversary of its first broadcast is that as Guide fans know, the number 42 is the answer to life, the universe and everything.

Some relevant comments from a regular reader and occasional contributor who chooses to remain anonymous on this occasion. They write:- "I unfortunately witnessed a road traffic accident near the horse roundabout in Belvedere yesterday around 10am. Not entirely sure what happened but several cars had stopped on the inner section of the roundabout and there was a man laying in the road - from the brief time I was there it appeared to be a motorcyclist (moped). On my way back home two mopeds had been parked by the side of the road with an ambulance was in attendance.  Hopefully the chap is OK. I do find the road markings to be quite poor/confusing, three lanes, filtering, all combined with a dual carriageway. It could be my imagination but both the Fish and Horse roundabouts seem to have more than their fair share of accidents. Regarding the C19 Coronavirus, I feel the media have completely blown it out of proportion. Neither Morrisons, nor Asda appear to be suffering a deluge of panic buying - a few lines are missing but nothing that screams the four horsemen are at our doorstep. I've been very disappointed to receive constant updates from the BBC suggesting we should batten down the hatches - it's incredibly dangerous in my opinion. Whilst the financial markets have been hit quite heavily - likely because C19 has highlighted other weaknesses , from a day-to-day perspective nothing has really changed. Irrespective, I hope everyone uses their common sense and avoids unnecessary travel and only purchases what they need. Social media has also been up to it's old tricks, I have seen a noticeable uptick on conspiracy theories. You may be interested to learn the book "The Eyes of Darkness" (Dean Koontz) described a scenario very similar to the current situation. Given the sheer number of prophesies people dream up, some of them are likely to come true". A very interesting and pertinent viewpoint - I concur wholeheartedly regarding the problems with both the traveller cob roundabout in Lower Belvedere, and the De Luci fish roundabout in Erith, both of which seem to suffer from a disproportionate number of road traffic accidents. What do you think? Email me at hugh.neal@gmail.com.

Now for the weekly local safety and security updates from Bexley Borough Neighbourhood Watch Association. Firstly the report from Barnehurst ward:- "Over the last seven days there has been no vehicle crime reported however there has been two burglaries reported, these both occurred overnight of the Tuesday 25th and Wednesday 26th February in Taunton Close. Entry in both cases was gained through the front door. One address had two cars taken along with money and wallet. The other address had a games console taken. As a result once smartwater has been rolled out in Holmsdale Grove, Taunton Close will be next in line. The next community contact session will be held at Barnehurst Golf Course on the Wednesday18th March at 11am". Belvedere ward:- "There was a burglary reported which would have occurred in early February – the victim was in hospital at the time of the offence. Entry was gained via the rear patio doors being smashed and at this stage it remains unclear what was taken from the property. Garage burglaries remain a prominent issue across the ward - padlocks are being cut from garage doors to allow entry. These offences appear to be being caused in areas of garage blocks rather than garages attached to residential properties. Overnight from Sunday 1st March into Monday 2nd March a garage was broken into at Mitre Court in Picardy Road. A high valued motorcycle was then taken from the location. There was another garage burglary reported that took place in Raglan Road. Four BMW tyres were taken from this garage at some time between Tuesday 18th February and Monday 2nd March. There was also a residential burglary in Braesyde Close this week – entry was gained via an insecure window to the front of the property – the window had been left slightly open overnight". Bexleyheath ward:- "Friday 28/02/20 1340 - 1350 Theft From Motor Vehicle Albion Road car park (behind HSBC) Cash stolen from vehicle by smashing window with occupant in vehicle – Please be careful using this car park this is not the first time an incident like this has occurred. Saturday 29/02/20 1500 01/03/20 0400 Theft of Motor Vehicle Carey Court, Gravel Hill. Motorbike stolen from underground car park. Monday 2/03/20 0100 – 0800 Attempted Burglary Iris Avenue. Lock from back gate has been broken – no entry gained to home, nothing taken. Monday 02/03/20 1100 – 1130 Theft from Person Broadway near Santander. Purse taken from bag. Sunday 1/03/20 0000 – 0100 Theft From Motor Vehicle Broadway. Number Plate stolen. Monday 2/03/20 1400 – 1500 Theft Broadway between Primark and New Look. Mobile phone stolen. Please do ensure that everyone is aware of their surroundings whilst out and about as there are still pickpockets about". Crayford ward:- "Crime this week in Crayford has been mainly vehicle related. Between 16.30 on Monday 24th February and 07.45 on Tuesday 25th February the side door of a Transit was crow barred open and a significant amount of power tools stolen at Wyatt Road. A blue Suzuki 125cc with registration number LG58JHO was stolen from outside premises at The Parade, Crayford Way on Thursday 27th February at 09.00. Two male suspects used another bike to push the bike away. A vehicle with the registration HJ64UXX was taken from outside the Crayford Arms between 19.00 on Sunday 1st March and 06.15 on Monday 2nd March. Between Saturday 15th and Friday 21st February the catalytic convertor was stolen from a grey Honda HRV from outside Beech Haven Court in London Road. A Mappin and Webb watch was taken from Soleil, victim had left it unattended and when they returned it had gone, a timely reminder to put valuable items away, out of sight if not being worn. A shed was broken in to between 21.00 on Wednesday 26th February and 07.30 on Thursday 27th February at Bexley Close. The lock was removed and a Allez E5 Sport Gents racing bike with dropped handlebars was taken. We assisted the Boys Brigade with their parade on Sunday 1st March marching from Hall Place to Crayford Methodist Church at Bexley Lane and returning to Hall Place. Thankfully the weather was good and we trust that motorists were not too inconvenienced with the short holds to keep the parade together and safe. The team have been very busy this week. A van was seized after being seen crawling around cul de sacs. The van was stopped in Hillbrow, the driver was processed for having no tax, no MOT, no insurance, no driving licence and the van was on false plates. Our team have access to police motorcycles and were able to deal with and off road motorcyclist on the Braeburn Park nature reserve. A male was processed by means of community resolution after a positive drugs stop. A male was arrested after a domestic incident. Two stolen vehicles were recovered in Burgate Close and Grazeley Close". Erith ward - no report this week. 

Northumberland Heath ward:- "This week unfortunately there has been one distraction burglary on Oakdene Road involving an elderly victim. The suspect entered through the back door and helping himself to the victims purse within the kitchen area , stating he had completed gardening work. There was another burglary on Belmont Road entering through the front door. PCSO Lorraine O'Hara and PCSO Pigott attended a report of a damaged Garage in Brook vale Road and came across (80) eighty stolen parcels which had been placed inside the garage area .During the search two suspects approached the garage on a motorbike and made of from Officers . During this incident the suspects slipped of the motorbike and ran on foot from Officers. The motorbike was reported as stolen and was then recovered to the victim .This investigation is still ongoing. There has also been several reports of theft from motor vehicles including theft of number plates". From a Member of the Public - in Brook Vale:-"A resident went to her garage which is located to the rear of her property and found that the padlock had been cut off. Upon opening the door she found that there were large laundry bags containing parcels from catalogue companies, which are now believed to be stolen. The police visited the garage and removed the property". Slade Green and Northend ward:- "One theft from Motor Vehicle where a phone and Bluetooth speaker were stolen from a vehicle in Betsham Road between 10am and 1pm on Saturday 29/02/2020. A reminder again that we urge everyone to remove all valuable property from your vehicles at all times. We assisted North Heath SNT during the evening of Friday 28th February. PCSO Mark was with their PCSO Lorraine and they found over 80 stolen items dumped in an unused garage in Brook Vale. While looking at the property, 2 males with a motorbike came round the corner, realised police were on scene, dropped the bike and ran off. The bike turned out to be stolen from Abbey Wood the day before and it was reunited with its owner. PCSO Mark attended Slade Green Seniors Cinema Club on Monday 02/03 and spoke with over 40 attendees about Smart Water. Everyone who wanted one was given a kit and their registration forms filled in. Our next Community Contact Session is on Tuesday 10/03 from 1230 at St Augustine's Welcome Café". Thamesmead East ward:- "Surlingham Close Sun 1/3/20 5pm – 8:10pm suspect/s unknown smashed rear door window of residential property, carried out an untidy search in all rooms, there is evidence of suspect/s standing on victims bed to pull items out of overhead cupboards. Suspect/s removed a pillowcase in order to carry stolen items including jewellery, vehicle keys. £150 pounds in notes and £300 in £2 coins. Victims work van keys found inside a carrier bag in the property, along with an amount of old watches apparently left by suspect/s. Kingfisher Close Sunday 1/3/20 5:30pm – 9pm unknown suspect/s has smashed a whole glass panel in the victims back door to gain entry and take property". West Heath ward:-"One attempted burglary in Preston Drive on Wednesday 26/02/20 0030 – 00.35. A male was seen on the ring doorbell trying the door handle. Entry was not gained. A burglary took place in Chessington Avenue on Saturday 29/02/20 04.15 – 04.40. The occupants heard a noise and did not realise at the time that they had been burgled and two Skodas from outside the address. The vehicles have seen been recovered. An Audi was stolen by means of a burglary in Clovelly Road on Tuesday 03/03/20 at 04.29. Theft of a catalytic converter in Madison on Wednesday 26/02/20 20.30 – 2.55. Criminal damage to a motor vehicle in Lenham Road on Saturday 29/02/20 23.15 – 01.00 Sunday 01/03/20 the windscreen was smashed".

The end video this week comes from local singer / songwriter Brian Silk; if his name sounds familiar, it is probably because Brian has been an occasional contributor to the Maggot Sandwich, in the form of local restaurant reviews. Brian also been involved in local football and is active in a number of local community groups. Brian’s new single, Every Day I Read You Like A Book, is now out on world-wide release. The track is available on all major platforms, such as Spotify, iTunes, Amazon Music and Deezer. This is Brian’s first single from his forthcoming album to be released later this year. He said, “I would describe Every Day I Read You Like A Book as a spiky alternative/indie pop song with a singalong chorus. I love quirky alternative pop music and I tried to write a slightly offbeat guitar-based song. The lyrics are a bit off-beat, too, but I think a lot of people will relate to them.” Please send comments and feedback to hugh.neal@gmail.com. You can visit Brian's website by clicking here.

Pipe of Peace.

The photos above - click on any one to see a larger version - were taken by me yesterday at the All Saints Church in Nuxley Road, Upper Belvedere (not Nuxley Village - no such place exists). It was on the occasion of their annual Summer Fair. This was the first year when Simon Archer has been the Priest in Charge, and the turnout for the fair was very large indeed, probably helped by the good weather. The only fly in the ointment was that the previous night a thieving scumbag had broken into the church administration office and made off with a laptop computer. Apart from this disappointing issue, the event was hugely successful; at the time of writing, the total amount raised by the fair this year has not yet been released. It was good to see so many visitors enjoy the church gardens. On a happier note, Local businesses have chipped in to help in respect of the theft of the laptop computer. Ace Computers in Bexleyheath have offered to donate a replacement laptop, and Advance Security Alarms, also from Bexleyheath are upgrading the church security systems for free. It does seem that good generally comes after bad, and I understand that no data will be lost from the laptop theft, as it was fully backed up. Last year the Summer Fair was also hit by criminals - around £240 of forged £20 notes were passed off during the course of the event; the church was one of a number of places hit by the criminal fraudsters. Nevertheless the overall impact of last year and this years Summer Fete was extremely positive. Over the last few years I  have heard several critics say that there is no local community spirit - I strongly feel that events such as the All Saints fairs show that this is actually very far from the case - community spirit is strong and positive, even when criminals try to disrupt it. What do you think? Email me at hugh.neal@gmail.com. 

There has been a story in the mainstream press over the last few days, which turns out to have a local link. David Gilmour, former lead guitarist of Pink Floyd has put most of his extensive collection of guitars on sale in order to raise money for his anti climate change charity. The 73-year-old singer and guitarist sold more than 120 instruments for a total of almost £17m. His 1969 Black Fender Stratocaster alone fetched £3.1m, setting a world auction record for any guitar. What caught my eye about the story was not the record breaking Stratocaster but one of the far less well known and unusual guitars also included in the sale. A Vox Guitar Organ made by Jennings Musical Instruments in their West Street, Erith factory in 1967 was sold for $87,500 - which I believe is also a world record for the unusual combination of an electric guitar and a Vox Continental electric organ in a guitar body. More than 2,000 bidders from 66 countries registered for the sale, which was held at auction house Christie's in Rockefeller Centre in New York. The auction house said it delayed the start of the sale by one hour after an "unprecedented number of bidders" turned up, leading a second sale room to be opened up to accommodate the crowds. Christie's said Gilmour's collection was the most valuable sale of musical instruments in auction history, beating a previous record held by Eric Clapton.

Many thanks to occasional Maggot Sandwich contributor and restaurant critic Brian Silk for the information he sent me in respect of an invention I had previously not heard of. Hiram Maxim (1840-1916) is best known for the invention of the automatic machine gun, the spring mouse trap and the fire sprinkler, along with the first heavier than air aircraft - The Maxim Flyer, which took to the air - albeit briefly - in 1894, nine years before the Wright Brothers. The experimental steam powered aeroplane accidentally took off during ground testing in Baldwyn’s Park, Bexley – it flew for an estimated 281 metres at a height of 1.4 metres, according to contemporary accounts. You can read more about the story here. Suffice to say that Maxim realised that his design of flying machine was dynamically unstable, and not viable for any longer flights. He abandoned the project shortly thereafter, leaving the Wright Brothers to gain the fame and fortune that went with the first viable aerodynamic flying vehicle. As well as being a skilled engineer and inventor, Hiram Maxim was a very shrewd businessman, and I think he realised that his own flying machine was an engineering dead end, and he decided to stop throwing good money after bad, and work on other projects instead. Maxim was already a very wealthy man, and did not really need the flying machine to be a financial success at all. However, he also developed the inhaler in the photos above. Click on either photo to see a larger version. The inhaler, known as the ‘Pipe of Peace’. It was used to treat throat and chest problems such as bronchitis. Soothing vapours from water warmed with a few drops of 'Dirigo', made from Maxim’s own recipe, which consisted of a mixture of liquid menthol and wintergreen oil, could be delivered right to the back of the throat via a long, swan-necked glass tube. In this set, the drug is made by John Morgan Richards and Sons Ltd. As word of the effectiveness of Maxim’s invention spread, demand grew and eventually hundreds of thousands were sold in the early 1900s. Hiram Maxim was an excellent inventor, engineer and very canny businessman. He realised that his main product - the Maxim machine gun was a weapon of war, and was giving him a negative public image; by diversifying into medicines, this would contribute to a far pleasanter and more positive personal reputation. In his autobiography of 1915, Hiram Maxim wrote:- "I think it was about the year 1900 that I had a very severe attack of bronchitis. First, we had the family physician; then he called in two experts on throat troubles; but they did me no good. They recommended, however, that I should go to Bournemouth and put myself under the treatment of a noted specialist. It was a failure. I returned to London and consulted the greatest specialist on throat troubles in England, and a few days later he sent me about half a ton of stoneware bottles containing mineral water. I took some of the water and followed the treatment for a time without the least effect. I was then recommended to go to Mont Dore, where they have strong and hot mineral springs and there are many doctors who make a speciality of treating bronchitis. I submitted to a very long system of steaming and boiling and taking the waters with no effect. I next learned that at Royat, not far distant, there was an English physician who was supposed to be the greatest expert on throat troubles in France. After he had been working on me about three weeks he said: "There remains only one thing for you to do, and that is to go to Nice and go through a system of treatment at Vos' Inhalatorium." I spent the next winter at Nice and was much gratified to find that I was greatly benefited by the treatment. It was very long and very severe. Every day I had to inhale an hour at a time; but the bronchitis had disappeared completely by the beginning of April, when I returned to England. However, with the cold and foggy weather of the next autumn the trouble returned as bad as ever; so again I went to Nice and went under the treatment. While there I heard a great deal of discussion regarding throat troubles—generally in the French language. Mr. Vos became very much interested in my case, perhaps more so on account of the comic sketches that I made for him, some of which greatly amused the Russian Grand Dukes who were his patients. At any rate I made a point of learning all that could be learned about the treatment of bronchitis before I left Nice, and the next season, when the trouble commenced again, I bought some glass tubing and made a few glass inhalers myself. By making a mouthpiece of such a shape that the vapours were introduced directly into the throat instead of medicating the inside of the mouth I found that my simple device was much more effective than the very elaborate machinery of Mr. Vos. When I became fully satisfied that my apparatus would ward off bronchitis, I gave a few away, and they all did very well indeed. The next move was to get two hundred of them made by a glass-blower, and these I also gave away, with splendid results. This created a demand, and I placed the sale of the instruments with the eminent firm of John Morgan Richards and Sons, of London, since which time hundreds of thousands have been sold and have given entire satisfaction. A short time ago, while returning from the seaside, I found myself in a first-class compartment with a distinguished-looking gentleman. He asked me if I were not Sir Hiram Maxim, and upon telling him that I was he gave me his own name, which I recognised as being one of the most eminent of the Harley Street physicians. He said: "I have tried your inhaling apparatus with very good results; it is a splendid thing; I recommend it to all my patients who have throat troubles. You have prevented an immense amount of suffering in the world and you ought to be very proud of it." This is the way that one of the greatest physicians in the world looked at the subject, but some of my friends not altogether unconnected with the gun business have told me that I have ruined my reputation absolutely by making a medical inhaler, and a scientific friend has written me deploring the fact that one so eminent in science as myself should descend to "prostituting my talents on quack nostrums." However, this little inhaler enables me to live all winter in England and large numbers are now being sold all over the world. So I think I shall be able to withstand the disgrace of having brought out such an invention. From the foregoing it will be seen that it is a very creditable thing to invent a killing machine, and nothing less than a disgrace to invent an apparatus to prevent human suffering. It is a curious and interesting fact that one of the gentlemen who has ridiculed me the most recommends these inhalers to his friends and always takes one with him when travelling. While at Nice I learned that the inhalants could be taken very much stronger if a small quantity of cocaine were used, but as cocaine was regarded as a poison, it was not expedient to use it. I spent my boyhood in the State of Maine, where there is a little plant which, although it is used for flavouring confectionery, really benumbs the mouth and throat just as cocaine does, only in a less degree. By mixing a small quantity of the oil of this plant with pine essence, the vapours may be inhaled very strong without producing coughing, and this little discovery is one of the things that has made the inhalers such a remarkable success. I suppose I shall have to stand the disgrace which is said to be sufficiently great to wipe out all the credit that I might have had for inventing killing machines".

On Tuesday afternoon I received an Email which has been a long time in coming. You may recall that back in 2016 I wrote at some length about the demolition of historic Belvedere pub The Leather Bottle. The photo above, supplied by Daniel Francis, shows the moment that the demolition of the landmark local building went under way, to the horror of those watching. On Friday the 14th June 2019, Councillor Daniel Francis, leader of Bexley Labour Group and one of the three ward councillors for Belvedere received confirmation from the Health and Safety Executive that they are prosecuting Balmonza Ltd. and its Director under the Health and Safety at Work Act 1974. The first hearing will take place on the 21st August 2019 at Westminster Magistrates Court.The prosecution relates to the demolition and works carried out on the site of the former Leather Bottle public house by Balmonza Ltd. during June 2016. On top of this, another development by the same company has been refused retrospective planning permission after a long fought battle with local residents. The development at the rear of 238 Woolwich Road, which backs onto Abbey Wood has finally been rejected, after multiple complaints from local residents and a blatant attempt by the person behind the developer to yet again break planning law. Balmonza Ltd had built a huge concrete platform at the rear of the house, and it appeared that they were trying to build an illegal block of flats, actually inside the Abbey Wood. Fortunately after a prolonged and concerted campaign by local residents, this has now been stopped. What remediation work will be undertaken is unclear at this point.

Pretty much anyone who works in an office, runs their own business, or who works with figures to any extent will be familiar with using a computer spreadsheet – most commonly Microsoft Excel. Many will curse at them from time to time, but would also find working with numbers far more difficult without a spreadsheet. It was not always the case. The term “Spreadsheet” has been in use for several hundred years; originally. In the realm of accounting jargon a "spread sheet" or spreadsheet was, and is a large sheet of paper with columns and rows that organises data about transactions for a business person to examine. It spreads or shows all of the costs, income, taxes, and other related data on a single sheet of paper for a manager to examine when making a decision. The problem with this is that if a value on the sheet changes – for example if the rate of tax was to increase, then the business person had to erase the related values in the relevant column, manually recalculate the new value, and write it onto the sheet – this could be a complex and time consuming business. Accountants and business owners would spend frustrating hours wrestling with figures in this way. In the early 1960’s several electronic versions of spreadsheets were created, which needed to be run on complex (for the time) and hugely expensive mainframe computers. Forty years ago this week, the first spreadsheet application was published in the UK for use on a personal computer, and it became the first “killer app” – a piece of software so powerful and groundbreaking that many businesses bought a computer just to be able to run it. The program was called Visicalc, and it is debatably the single most important piece of software for business ever written. In 1979, personal computing was very much in its infancy; outside of large companies and universities, computers were really only used by hobbyists and engineers who wanted to learn about the new technology, and how to program. The Apple II had just been released in the USA, which was arguably the first computer for home use that did not require a high level of technical expertise to run. It was a perfect storm –the first widely available and (relatively) easy to use personal computer, along with an incredibly powerful spreadsheet program in Visicalc. Consequently both flew off the shelves; business people bought an Apple II purely to run Visicalc, which greatly pleased Apple, and ultimately led to their giant size and influence nowadays. Visicalc was ported onto a wide variety of other computers in the early 1980’s the upper screen capture above - click on it for a larger version - was taken from the Atari 8 bit computer port, which I used to sell when I worked at Silica Shop in Hatherley Road, Sidcup), and without a doubt it led to the adoption of computers in many companies that had previously done without. Once Visicalc became available for the then new IBM 5150 personal computer (what we now refer to as the PC mark one) the future was assured. By this time many other software companies had produced their own versions of an electronic spreadsheet – often with more functions, and Visicalc fell by the wayside. The creators of Visicalc had made one decision which benefitted many in the long run, but led to the demise of their own product – they did not patent or copyright it.  What I find fascinating is that whilst most software has changed beyond recognition over the years, the computer spreadsheet has stayed pretty much the same. If you were to time travel a Visicalc user from 1979 and put them in front of a Windows PC running Microsoft Excel now, they would find that the basic operation was exactly the same, albeit with many more functions and options. The principle has not changed at all. What do you think? Leave a comment below, or alternatively Email me at hugh.neal@gmail.com.

Now for the weekly safety and security reports from Bexley Borough Neighbourhood Watch Association. Firstly a report from Barnehurst ward:- "Another fairly quiet week crime wise on Barnehurst ward and once again I am pleased to report no burglaries. Unfortunately motor vehicle crime continues to be a problem. These crimes mainly occur late at night to the early hours of the morning with the suspects apparently just trying random vehicles so please ensure your vehicles are locked and parked under a light source if possible. Overnight of Thursday 13th June there was a theft from motor vehicle in Pennine Way, the owner waking up to find all the compartments emptied onto the front seats of the car. In the early hours of Saturday 15th June two males were seen trying to break into a vehicle in Colyers Lane, fortunately they were disturbed by the car's owner and fled. Most recently a vehicle was taken from a communal car park off Drummond Close, however this vehicle had been shown off road for over two years and had already had its engine removed. Our next community contact session will be held at Barnehurst Golf Course on Tuesday July 2nd at 11am so please pop along. On a finishing note; now that summer is here could residents please shut all windows when leaving the house. Burglars love an open window. Don't make it easy for them". Belvedere ward:- "The team have been made aware of a male that has been seen in Calvert Close in the early hours of the morning recently (although not every morning). This male has been breaking into several vehicles at the location and has stolen several items from within each vehicle. We have been informed by dog walkers around the Lesness Abbey site that there has been ASB taking place by groups of youths who have been gathering just within the wooded areas and causing issues. The team have been actively patrolling the location and will continue to do so. PC Holmes and PCSO Worrall recovered yet another stolen vehicle that had been left in the residents car park in Shortlands Close. It had been at the location for several months and had been stolen from Greenwich Borough. Our next Community Contact session is taking place on Wednesday 26th June at 12pm at Lesness Abbey ruins site". Bexleyheath ward:- "There has been one reported burglary on the ward along Heversham Road Bexleyheath on Monday 17/06/2019 between 11am & 1pm. Entry was gained via an upstairs window using a ladder. There has been three reports of theft from motor vehicles also: Friday 14/06/2019 – Mayplace Close Broadway Bexleyheath; Thursday 13/06/2019 – Broadway Car Park area; Thursday 13/06/2019 – Broadway Car Park – Exhaust taken from vehicle; Theft of motor vehicle along Gravel Hill Close Bexleyheath that happened overnight between Fri 14/06/2019 and Sat 15/06/2019; Tuesday 18/06/2019 - A hand bag was reported stolen from New Look store along the Broadway. Bag was taken from the back of a wheelchair. The team regularly patrols along drug hot spot areas and ASB areas on the ward conducting regular stop and accounts and searches".

Image: Left to right: PCSO Joyce Barlow (Crayford SNT), NW Committee Member Stewart Bartle, Mayor of Bexley Councillor Geraldene Lucia-Hennis, NW Coordinator John Whelan and NW Volunteer Andrew Davis at the Crayford Funday last Saturday.

Crayford ward:- "A quantity of plants were stolen from Mulberry Court on Sunday 2nd June between 19.00-19.30, the suspect and vehicle were seen on CCTV. A bicycle parked at Crayford BR station was tampered with on Tuesday 11th June between 08.00-18.30. A Renault had its windscreen cracked whilst parked at Town Hall Square between Sun 9th and Thurs 13th June. A black Lambretta, LX18CWD which was not in working order and had a broken front fender, scratches and dents was taken from a driveway in Dale Road. On Thurs 13th June between 09.00-23.40, a white Nissan Amera was dragged off a driveway in Shearwood Crescent, also inside were tools and a pressure washer. A blue disabled parking permit, sunglasses, tom tom and wi-fi box were stolen from a vehicle parked in Wolsley Close, there was damage caused to the vehicle. There has been a burglary this week, it occurred on the evening of Sunday 16th June, the patio door was forced and an untidy search made, a 32 inch Sony TV and other items were stolen. A catalytic convertor was removed from a Toyota Prius whilst parked at Stadium Way on Monday 17th June at approx. 11.30am. Number plates DE53YBG were stolen from a vehicle whilst parked near Maiden Lane junction with Gable Close, these should be on a Nissan Micra. A dash cam, bag containing money and bank cards were stolen from a parked grey Mercedes C180 in Halcot Avenue. A male has reported being pickpocketed whilst waiting for a train at Crayford BR Station on Tuesday 18th June at approx. 08.45-08.50, the black leather wallet contained a driving licence and cards, someone did attempt to use a card before it was cancelled. It was a fabulous turn out for the Crayford Fun Day last Saturday, really nice to meet so many enthusiastic residents. Our next community contact session is on Wednesday 26th June between 16.00-17.00, please come along if there is anything you would like to discuss with me". Erith ward - no reports received this week. Northumberland Heath ward:- "This week the team assisted Greenwich Borough with a large crime scene, due to a serious shooting in Plumstead. PCSO Lorraine has been conducting patrols on Bexley Road in relation to recent reports of ASB to various locations/stores. Any children who are caught acting in an anti-social manor will be reported to the relevant schools and home visits conducted. There has been an attempted theft of motor vehicle in Limewood Road, DA8 in the early hours of the Saturday 15th June, the vehicle had damage to the door lock. Also a possible attempted burglary in Carlton Road, at the rear of the property an outside pane of glass was broken on the double glazed window, entry was not gained to the property. At this time of year when the weather is warmer and windows are opened, please be mindful to close all windows when leaving your property. Our next community contact session is on Wednesday 26th June at 4pm in the Mill Road Library, please do come along and meet a member of the team and discuss any issues or concerns you have, or just pop in and say hello". Slade Green and Northend ward:- "We have had 3 theft from motor vehicle offences in the last 2 days, all of which have happened in daytime hours. Duriun Way at 1130am Sunday 16th June, Betsham Road at 1045am on Monday 17th June and Lincoln Close at 2.40pm, also on Monday. Items stolen include a mobile phone and a sat nav. Please please remove all valuables from your vehicles and ask any family/visitors to do the same, even if you are only getting out of the car for a minute or so. PC's Mark and James arrested a wanted male on Monday after he was seen in Budgens in Rainbow Road. The male is wanted for 9 previous offences and the investigating officer is aware and enquiries continue before the suspect is due back for a charging decision. Our team and our colleagues from neighbouring wards all assisted at the fatal shooting crime scene in Plumstead all through the day on Saturday. After 4 weeks stuck in the office with a broken rib, PCSO Mark will be back in uniform this coming Saturday when he will be attending the St Augustines Summer Fete from 11am. Our next CCS is at 6pm on Sunday June 23rd at our SNT base in Pier Road, Erith (next to Farm Foods)". Thamesmead East ward:- "Burglaries On Sunday 16/06/19 between the hours of 07.00pm and 08.40pm a flat in Muscovy House, KALE ROAD was broken into, believed entry was gained via an insecure window. A property in TEMPLAR DRIVE was broken into, between the Saturday 08/02/19 and Monday 17/06/19 ,the resident was away at the time. The blocks of flats in both WOLVERCOTE ROAD and KALE ROAD are undergoing refurbishment of double glazing windows , scaffolding has been erected to aid the installation A Theft in a Dwelling occurred in Teeswater Court, MANGOLD WAY on Wednesday 12/06/19 at 02.10pm,the victim allowed a female into the property, when the victim was out of the room ,the female stole a number of items. Crime Prevention. Close and lock all your doors and windows, even if you're going out for a few minutes. Photograph and keep a detailed inventory of each item of jewellery and keep it in a separate place. Remain vigilant at all times. Motor Vehicle Crimes – Between the hours of 11:30pm on Thursday 13/06/19 and 06:20am Friday 14/06/19 a vehicle parked locked and secure was broken into in THAMESBANK PLACE .The Theft of a Motor Vehicle occurred in ASPEN GREEN on Tuesday 18/06/19 between the hours of 06.00am and 07.00pm. A vehicle parked on YARNTON WAY, was taken between 09.00am and 10.00am on Thursday 13/06/19.Unknown suspects broke into a parked vehicle outside of Trefoil house KALE ROAD between the hours of 21.00pm of Saturday 15/06/19 and 09.20am of Sunday 16/06/19. Motor Vehicle Crime Prevention. Did you know that your vehicle is like a shop window? If you can see ANY property left on view then so can a thief . Take it with you. Good news – Following good work by PC Pruden, a female who failed to appear at court for various theft offences was arrested, appeared at court ,now awaiting sentencing".

The image above was captured on a Ring doorbell at 5.30 am on the morning of Friday 14th June in Lodge Hill - someone stealing a resident's milk. Please contact NW office if you have info or similar to report.

West Heath ward:- "Attempted burglary in Dryhill Road on Monday 17/06/2019 between the hours of 9am and 09.30pm. The suspect smashed the rear kitchen window and attempted to gain entry by removing items from the window ledge, it is believed entry was not gained. Residential burglary in Preston Drive on Saturday 15/06/2019 between 10.30pm and 11.45am on Sunday 16/06/2019. The victim was away from the property overnight and upon returning, discovered the upstairs bedroom windows wide open. Several pieces of jewellery and a watch were stolen. There are currently no Neighbourhood Watches in either of these roads. Once again we have had a spate of motor vehicle crimes over the last week. Attempted theft of two Range Rovers from Bedonwell Road just before midnight on Thursday 13/06/2019. Both vehicles were searched and loose change and a pair of sunglasses were stolen. Theft of a wallet and mobile phone from a vehicle parked in Orchard Avenue between Thursday 13/06/2019 at 17.30pm and Friday 14/06/2019 at 4pm when the owner returned to his vehicle. A Number of photographic equipment was stolen from a black Mercedes in Romney Gardens between Monday 17/06/2019 at 11pm and 6am the following morning. The owner of the vehicle returned to find the doors of the vehicle wide open. An attempt was made to enter two Jaguars in Hollingbourne Avenue between 11pm on Monday 16/06/2019 and Tuesday 18/06/2019 at 7am. Nothing was stolen from the vehicle as the victim did not keep any items of value in the vehicles. The team have continued to carry out joint arrest enquiries and patrols this week with our colleagues from Crook Log, East Wickham wards".

The end video this week features a team who describe themselves thus:- "We are IKS Exploration  WHAT WE DO - We explore and document historic locations from all eras mainly WW2 bunkers Cold War Bunkers. WHAT WE HATE - We hate people who vandalise historic locations and people who give out explore locations on the internet! WE RESPECT PRIVACY - Some locations that are privately owned will have all traces of where it located removed. All locations we visit are open locations, we at IKS Exploration don't condone forced entry or any sort of break in at any location! if the location is locked or bricked up we move to the next location". This is a video of theirs exploring a former Cold War disaster co - ordination centre which forms part of Dartford Civic Offices.

The Melting Pot.

The photo above was taken by me in Park Crescent, Erith; it shows a dumped box of empty Nitrous Oxide canisters. Not really something one would expect to find in the quiet, leafy and prosperous "Beverly Hills of Erith". The gas, which is inhaled, has become a popular recreational drug over the past few years. According to the latest Global Drug Survey, Nitrous Oxide – or laughing gas – is now the seventh most popular drug in the 50 countries surveyed. Just over half the UK respondents said they had tried the drug at some point, and 38 per cent said they had used it in the last year, making it more popular in the UK than any other country. Nitrous Oxide is a colourless, sweet tasting gas that has been used recreationally since the late 18th century, most notably by Sir Humphry Davy, former president of The Royal Society. Medical use was established in the early 20th century and Nitrous Oxide remains an important anaesthetic, tranquilliser and painkiller, used by dentists, obstetricians and sports doctors. Indeed, many members of the public will have experienced the effects of Nitrous Oxide themselves without realising it. The popularity of recreational use of Nitrous Oxide is unsurprising. It is legal in many parts of the world, it is cheap and it reliably produces a short-lasting euphoria as well as heightened senses and a slight feeling of disconnect from the body and is often used as a drug at concerts, nightclubs and festivals. As one can see, the desired effects would be a quick little “pick me up” but continued usage causes major damage. Physically, Nitrous Oxide is not considered an addictive drug; psychologically it is because it mimics other narcotics. It is a very quick high which usually causes intense repetitive behaviours in its users. Users of this drug will continue to try to get more and more high, which again, in turn, creates major issues. In the last week a report on the long term effects of Nitrous Oxide abuse has been published, and it makes for very worrying reading. The drug, also known as “noz” and “hippy crack”, is very popular with teenagers and young adults, including clubbers and those attending music festivals. It is the same substance that is given to women during childbirth and patients undergoing dental treatment to control pain. Those using it illicitly often breathe it in after it has been transferred from silver vials into balloons. It is the second most commonly used drug among 16- to 24-year-olds in England after cannabis. Half a million of them have used it in the last year – one in 11 of that age group. Many more males than females that age turn to it in their search for a euphoric high, the latest Home Office figures show. Purposely making the human body pass out or by cutting circulation of to the brain does not only kills brain cells but can creates numbness in extremities, Vitamin B12 deficiencies, suffocation, and it can even lead to death. If a person is to stop breathing, even for a short period of time, it also affects the central nervous system which includes the brain, brain stem and spinal cord. Death typically occurs in people who highly abuse Nitrous Oxide. They continue to chase their first high and try to inhale more and more gas. If death does not occur from doing this, it can cause severe brain damage due to asphyxia. There have been statements made about how the effects on the body after going on a Nitrous Oxide binge and then not doing it for a while, can be similar to the withdrawals that someone may experience if they have not smoked marijuana in a while. There may be bouts of nausea, impulse to want to do Nitrous Oxide again, headaches accompanied by lethargy, and just an overall feeling of achy joints and weakness. The government tried to ban the misuse of Nitrous Oxide when it introduced The Psychoactive Substances Act 2016, which was designed to provide a blanket ban on new psychoactive substances (popularly, although erroneously, known as “legal highs”), as the existing legislation was considered too slow in responding to the emergence of what are potentially harmful drugs. A substance is defined as psychoactive if “by stimulating or depressing the person’s central nervous system, it affects the person’s mental functioning or emotional state”. So all psychoactive drugs are, by default, controlled under the 2016 ban. A number of substances were exempted from the act, including caffeine, nicotine, tobacco products, alcohol, EU approved foodstuffs, medicinal products, and drugs already controlled under The Misuse of Drugs Act 1971. The exemptions were deemed necessary to avoid restricting access to medically useful and socially tolerated products. These exemptions played a key role in two recent trials involving the supply of Nitrous Oxide (“laughing gas”), where the judges advised the juries to reach not guilty verdicts. The defence teams successfully argued that Nitrous Oxide – despite being a popular recreational drug, and assumed to be controlled under the 2016 act – is covered by the medicinal product exemption. These court decisions came as a surprise to many observers: while Nitrous Oxide is clearly a medicinal product under supervised use as an anaesthetic, there is unlikely to be much legitimate need for it in recreational settings. Nevertheless, at the time of writing, Nitrous Oxide is not actually illegal, despite the very serious effect misusing it can have. Nitrous Oxide is particularly hard to prohibit, given its widespread uses in catering, medicine, and motoring – and its rising use demonstrates that attempts to ban it have failed. The problem is country - wide, but especially bad locally. What do you think? Please leave a message below, or Email me at hugh.neal@gmail.com. 

The £73 million redevelopment of the Arthur Street Estate has now begun, even though the final green - lighting of the ambitious new housing scheme has not yet been given by Bexley Council. The upper of the two photos above shows the current estate, whilst the lower picture gives an idea of what the redevelopment will look like once it is completed - click on either photo for a larger version. The estate, which is located on the opposite side of Northend Road to the Erith Park Development, which, incidentally won London Regeneration Project of the year at the London Royal Institute of Chartered Surveyors Awards (RICS) in 2017, and was shortlisted for a National Housing Award for Best Regeneration Project. The Arthur Street Estate consists of three high rise blocks of flats – Cranbrook House, Cobham House and Canterbury House, and some low level accommodation – Challock House, Charing House, and The Nursery. Orbit Housing Association have managed the estate since February 1998. Historically the Arthur Street Estate has been regarded by many as somewhat of a problem, this is principally because historically there has been a large proportion of prolific offenders, people with a criminal background, and people with high support needs - particularly with drug and alcohol dependency living on the estate. Figures from a police report for the 12 months to 30 September 2011 (the only data I could find) showed 56 suspects of crime in Bexley living within the postcodes for Arthur Street Estate. Of the 56 crimes, only 1 was a motoring offence and 3 public order offences, the remaining 52 more high level crimes. The effect on community sustainability has been huge, with law abiding residents seeing this as short term housing, a means to an end. They have often been subjected to incidents of Anti  - Social Behaviour. This led to those residents requesting transfers, moving out from the properties and increasing turnover of residents. Orbit have been working with Bexley Council and various authorities to address these issues, and much good work has now been done, in a similar way to how Orbit were able to filter out the real trouble makers from the old Larner Road Estate, and not permit them into the new Erith Park Development, and since the start of the programme the situation has markedly improved. Now Orbit are about to start a new project in relation to the estate. In an interview published in the News Shopper and elsewhere, a representative of Orbit Housing Association said:- "This estate regeneration project will significantly improve the site, both visually and in terms of how it will function. A substantial number of new homes will be provided, with an uplift in affordable homes and affordable floorspace achieved as part of the overall provision. The proposal will help foster a more balanced and mixed community due to an approach that re-provides affordable housing tenures on site in a more diverse way. An injection of market housing also works towards the diversification of the overall offer, representing 20 per cent of the units provided. The proposal will provide a total of 320 homes of which 80 per cent will be “affordable housing”, comprised of of 121 affordable rented homes, 77 shared ownership homes and 58 homes for London Living Rent". One outcome of the various redevelopment and new build housing schemes in the local area will be a fairly dramatic increase in the local population; this will increase the need for improved infrastructure, including power, water, drainage, schools and medical facilities. On top of this, I was contacted by sometime reviewer of Erith’s food outlets, Brian Silk, about something tangentially related to food. Brian wanted to point out that Erith station is the only one in Bexley that doesn’t have a convenient shop to pick up a pint of milk or loaf of bread despite there being an obvious vacant space for it nearby. Brian, who lives in the West Street area, said, “People who commute by train from Erith don’t have a shop close to the station to get those bits and pieces on their way home, such as a pint of milk, loaf of bread or other basic provisions.” Brian suggests that the shop should go on the unused land opposite the main entrance to the South East London College campus, less than a minute’s walk from the station. A small convenience store in that location would not only be used by commuters and people coming to work or study in the town but would probably be used by people who live in Stonewood Road / Cricketers Close, West Street, the new Erith Baths residential development and around Christ Church. Brian believes it would have plenty of customers at all times. Brian understands that the land is owned by the Council and that at least one well-known supermarket has shown an interest in the site. Bexley Council have said, in their recent Town Centres Consultation, that they want to make Erith an attractive destination for people. For Brian, a shop just outside the station would help with that. If you agree with the idea of a shop for Erith station, you can let Bexley Council know by emailing towncentres@bexley.gov.uk or call 020 8303 7777 and ask for the Town Centres Team. You can also speak to your local councillor or contact the Chairman of Bexley’s Planning Committee, Peter Reader.

An update on upcoming events at The Bookstore Cafe in the former Carnegie Library in Walnut Tree Road, Erith. The Exchange have announced:- "The Melting Pot is a new recipe book made up with local people's family recipes and stories, exploring the cultures of Erith and Bexley through food. If you have a recipe that you think should be included, please come to our event on Monday 27th (12-2pm) with the prepared dish and your story. If you can't make it, get in touch with us as there will be other events and opportunities to share. Or if you are just interesting in the eating please do come along and sample the areas culinary expertise! This book will be published and available from The Bookstore Cafe and Bar. Every recipe and story will be fully credited. We look forward to tasting your food!" Also, a new feature has been launched at The Bookstore Cafe - "Cafe Nights at The Bookstore - Thursdays - Saturdays, 6-10pm. Cafe Nights are taking off! Each week we will be preparing a different hot dish to add to our evening Bookstore offer. We have so far had Tagines and Spaghetti weeks; this week we are celebrating the beautiful gooey camembert! Toppings available = Toffee apple and blue cheese | smoked pancetta | garlic and rosemary | or red onion marmalade". You can read more about, and book your place at forthcoming events at the former Carnegie Library by clicking here. 

The photo above was taken in the summer of 1907 (click on it for a larger view), and shows how the residents of Edwardian Erith dealt with a heatwave similar to the one we experienced last year. The first public swimming baths in Erith was an outdoor one in Walnut Tree Road; the photo was taken during the opening ceremony on the 3rd of August 1907. The pool cost £700 to build and was sixty feet long by twenty five feet wide. The water was heated using the waste boiler heat from the adjacent Erith Power Station. Bearing in mind that in addition to the coal fired power station, the swimming baths were close to the livestock holding pens at Erith railway station. I would imagine the smell must have been eye watering at certain times!

Over the last few months, the popular press has been getting very excited by machine intelligence, otherwise known as artificial intelligence, or AI. This is all very well, but unfortunately the enthusiasm of the journalists (and their lack of understanding of the hugely complex and technical field) has led to some rather inaccurate and overhyped reporting. According to a Wall Street Journal  article titled "Artificial Intelligence machine gets testy with programmer," a Google computer program using a database of movie scripts supposedly "lashed out" at a human researcher who was repeatedly asking it to explain morality. After several apparent attempts to politely fend off the researcher, the Artificial Intelligence ends the conversation with "I'm not in the mood for a philosophical debate." This, says the Wall Street Journal reporter, illustrates how Google scientists are "teaching computers to mimic some of the ways a human brain works." As any Artificial Intelligence researcher can tell you, this is utter nonsense. Humans currently have very little idea how the human, or any other brain, works, so they can hardly teach a machine how brains work. At best, Google is programming (not teaching) a computer to mimic the conversation of humans under highly constrained circumstances. The methods used have nothing to do with true cognition. Artificial Intelligence hype to the public has become progressively more strident in recent years, misleading lay people into believing researchers are much further along than they really are — by several orders of magnitude. We are decades away from anything remotely approaching a sentient computer, if it is at all possible. One researcher once said “If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand, we would be too stupid to be able to do so”. What software engineers at Google have been able to do is to create a synthetic environment in which their software can mimic the responses to questions placed by a human, in a manner which suggests to the human that they are interacting with another human being. They have succeeded in partially beating the Turing Test. The Turing Test is a test of a machine's ability to exhibit intelligent behaviour equivalent to, or indistinguishable from, that of a human. Alan Turing proposed that a human evaluator would judge natural language conversations between a human and a machine that is designed to generate human-like responses. The evaluator would be aware that one of the two partners in conversation is a machine, and all participants would be separated from one another. The conversation would be limited to a text-only channel such as a computer keyboard and screen so that the result would not be dependent on the machine's ability to render words as speech. If the evaluator cannot reliably tell the machine from the human (Turing originally suggested that the machine would convince a human 70 percent of the time after five minutes of conversation), the machine is said to have passed the test. The test does not check the ability to give correct answers to questions, only how closely answers resemble those a human would give. Google’s program convinced three out of seven humans that they were interacting with another human – somewhat short of Alan Turing’s own estimates of what constitutes a success. Computers are great at carrying out tasks where the rules are finite and established, however complex that they are; this is one reason why computers are now better than people at games like chess. In open – ended situations, such as a conversation with a person, they are far less successful, and though this will improve, actually creating a self-aware computer is still well in the realms of science fiction, and likely to stay that way for the foreseeable future, despite what certain journalists might have you believe. What do you think? Email me at hugh.neal@gmail.com.

Now for the weekly local safety and security updates from Bexley Borough Neighbourhood Watch Association. First the report from Barnehurst ward:- "The Team have had the following reported on the ward over the last week: Criminal damage to motor vehicle overnight Sat 18/05/2019 / Sun 19/05/2019 along Appledore Avenue; Theft from motor vehicle along Heath Way between Sun 19/05/2019, 07:30 and Mon 20/05/2019, 10am; Theft of motor vehicle on 13/05/2019, 07:45pm – A locked motorcycle was stolen from an address along Colyers Lane. There is a date set to meet with your local team on Thursday 6th June between 4 - 5pm at the Barnehurst Golf Club. If you wish to come and meet the team then please feel free to come and have a chat'. Belvedere ward:- "The team recovered a stolen motorcycle from Shortlands Close recently. It had been taken from an address in Erith a few days previously – a call from a resident alerted us to the whereabouts of the motorcycle and it has now been returned to its owner. There had been graffiti sprayed in various areas throughout the upper part of the ward – we visited the affected areas and gave advice to residents on how best to remove it. Where possible (if the graffiti can be seen from the road), we have liaised with Bexley Council and requested that the graffiti is removed as soon as possible. We have also attended Lumley Close after concerns raised to us in relation to a disused garage that was thought to be being used to store stolen vehicles. With assistance from the owners of the garages we were able to gain access to the garage in question and discovered a moped that was displaying a false registration plate – this has now been seized for further investigation. The team were made aware of an attempted burglary in Picardy Road last week, which is thought to have occurred during the day on Thursday 16th May whilst occupants were away from the address. There was clear damage to the front door of the address however entry was not gained. Our ward panel met last week and have asked that the teams priorities for the coming three month period are Burglary, Motor Vehicle crime and ASB in relation to parks across the ward. We attended the Guru Nanak Temple and gave away several Smart Water kits to the members. This is in response to the Asian gold burglaries in the city. The kits are being very well received by the temple communities. They will help reduce burglaries as the users have warning stickers displayed in their windows and prominent places. The kits also help Police to identify who has been handling any stolen property marked with the smart water as each kit is unique. Our next Community Contact session is due to take place on Tuesday 28th of May from 1pm at the Asda café in Lower Road". Bexleyheath ward:- "There have been no reports of burglaries over the last week as well as any attempted burglaries. There have been three theft from motor vehicles reported all along Rydal Drive on the following dates: Wednesday 15/05/2019 Friday 17/05/2019 & Saturday 18/05/2019. Also on the Friday Friday 17/05/2019 there was a report of an interference of motor vehicle reported along Wenvoe Avenue. The team have conducted about 10 stop and searches along Martins Avenue and car park areas on the ward including the Premiere In and the Marriott. Two were stopped for possession of cannabis are now being dealt with accordingly. Five youths have been referred to the Council in relation to ASB issues on the ward. Also regular patrols are being conducted around the war memorial as the team have received complaints about ASB and drugs. A new NHW has now been set up along Lavernock Road". Crayford ward:- "A silver Olympia bicycle was stolen from outside Crayford BR Station platform 2 between 20.00 on Saturday 18th May and 21.00 on Sunday 19th May. Number plates KL57 OUW were unscrewed from a vehicle parked in Crayford Way overnight between 13th and 14th May, they should be on a beige Vauxhall. A blue BMW Z1200 GT motorcycle was stolen from Acorn Industrial Estate on Wednesday 15th May at 15.35, it was wheeled away. Cigarettes were stolen from the front seat of a vehicle parked outside Bookers on Friday 17th May at 9.50 am. A burglary occurred in London Road on Tuesday 21st May between 11.11 and 13.25, entry was made via the front door and porch, at this time it is believed jewellery was stolen. A silver Mercedes E class had the passenger front window smashed in Crayford High Street after 21.45 on Thursday 16th May. Tools were stolen from a vehicle whilst parked at Hall Place on Tuesday 21st May between 9.00-9.30. Tools were stolen from an unlocked van whilst parked at Crayford Leisure Centre on 21st May. A theft from motor vehicle occurred at Green Walk on 20th May between 00.35-00.40, suspects were seen on CCTV trying several cars, items were discarded. Our apologies that our community contact session booked for Wednesday 22nd May at Vintage Lindy Lou's had to be cancelled at very short notice. Our next community contact session will be on Tuesday 28th May at Crayford Library between 10.00-11.00". Erith ward:- "Another week with zero burglaries – However as noted in the crimes below, Theft from and of motor vehicles is up. Please see the crime advice: Car security at home •Where possible ensure that your vehicle is parked on your driveway or in your garage if you have one. Alternatively, ensure your vehicle is parked in a well-lit area. •Have an alarm and immobiliser fitted if your vehicle doesn't already have one. This is an effective way of deterring criminals. A Thatcham-compliant immobiliser or steering lock can help secure older vehicles. •Locking wheel nuts are cheap and easy to fit to prevent your alloy wheels being stolen. •Catalytic converters can be marked using a specialist metal security marking chemical and secure labels to warn potential thieves that the catalytic converter carries an identification mark. Securing your motorbike or scooter •If your motorbike or scooter doesn't already have one, consider having a Thatcham or Sold Secure approved electronic immobiliser professionally fitted. Ask your insurance company which devices they would recommend that will not invalidate your policy. •If you have a security device fitted, always use it. A wide variety of locks can be used, such as chains or padlocks, disc locks and D locks. The most important thing to remember is to secure your motorbike to a solid object that can't be moved. •Always put your steering lock on. •When you are not using your motorbike or scooter, put it in your garage or a secure outbuilding with a fixed or ground anchor to secure it to inside the building. Don't leave your garage open and make sure your vehicle is covered up, even when you are at home". Northumberland Heath ward - no report this week due to technical problems.

Slade Green and Northend ward:- "In the last week, number plates have been stolen from vehicles in Alderney Road, Aveley Close, Frobisher Road and Sandpiper Drive. All of these offences occurred through the night. If you would like some anti-theft screws, please let us know. Off road bikes have become very prominent over by Erith Yacht club due to the pinch gate proving not to be efficient in stopping access to the location. Over the course of last weekend 5 bikes and 15 individuals were removed by our team and all the relevant warnings, letters and words of advice were given. All of them tried to claim they hand the landowners permission (which is not true) and contact has been made with the landowner making him aware. The pinch gate has now also been damaged, this has been reported to Bexley Council for repair and hopefully a better gate. Over 10 stop and searches made across the ward in the last week some drugs seized and all the necessary action taken regarding the individuals found in possession. We have 2 new Watches in our ward at Cook Square and one half of the Rainbow Road estate from Crimson Road down to just past Budgens. Plus our Alderney Road watch is also back up and running after several months lapsed". Thamesmead East ward:- "Burglaries: No burglaries this week. Please remain vigilant at all times. Crime Prevention: Close and lock all your doors and windows, even if you're going out for a few minutes. Photograph and keep a detailed inventory of each item of jewellery and keep it in a separate place. Motor vehicle crimes: On Wednesday 15/05/19 between the hours of 9:00am and 11:30am a vehicle parked in Seacourt Road had the rear passenger window smashed, nothing taken. Between the hours of 05:30pm of Thursday 16/05/19 and 09:30 am of Friday 17/05/19 a vehicle parked in the underground car park Staplehurst Court, Southmere Drive had the rear quarter window on the passenger side smashed ,nothing taken. Also at the same location of Staplehurst Court underground car park an attempted theft of a motor scooter occurred on Friday 17/05/19 between the hours of 08:40 am and 10:00 am. An unknown suspect stole a motor scooter from Bledlow Court between the hours of 10:30pm on Thursday 16/05/19 and 05:00pm of Friday 17/05/19.A car battery was stolen from a vehicle parked in Glimpsing Green between the hours of 06:00am and 06:10am on Monday 20/05/19. Between the hours of 3:30pm and 09:320pm Monday 20/05/19 the front and rear number plates were stolen from a vehicle outside Shire Court, Redpoll Way. Criminal Damage: Between the hours of 1:00pm and 1:30pm on Wednesday 15/05/19 a property in Lime Row had the kitchen window smashed". West Heath ward:- "This week has been all about car crime. Overnight Wednesday 15 - Thursday 16th May there were three thefts from motor vehicles in Little Heath Road where a satnav was stolen, Hurlingham Road where a purse was stolen and lastly Cranbrook Road. There was also a fourth theft from a vehicle in Leckwith Avenue over the weekend Friday 17th-Sunday 19th . There was one possible attempted burglary in Brampton Road in the early hours of Sunday 12th May where the victim saw two shadowy figures at their bathroom window who then made off, entry was not gained. The team have conducted MV tasking patrols on our hotspots with the assistance of…. Two male stopped and searched in Mayfair Ave resulting in one male arrested who it turns out wanted theft of motor in Bromley. Another male stopped for possession cannabis in Chessington Avenue. The team assisted our partners in DWP and Organised Crime Unit around some concerns for modern slavery. The street briefing in Brixham Rd on 20th May raised a few issues mostly around antisocial behaviour from quad bikes, dog fouling and fly tipping. Our next Street briefing will be in Orchard Avenue on 30th May at 7pm".

The end video below shows an excerpt from a football match featuring the youth team from Erith Town FC playing a local game.