Friday, August 18, 2006

The BIG one. Mobile Telephones.

Well, after much promising, here it is. My feelings on Mobile Telephones. Rant rating - oh; that's a hard one. They annoy me intensely but they have become so ubiquitous and widely used by Sheeple that they are hard to rate; I suppose that in day to day terms I find them mildly irritating, but there are occasions when I can go as far as being incandescent with rage (TM).

Some news - I am now listed on Google! If you type in "Arthur Pewty's Maggot Sandwich" up comes my Blog. I suppose I can now claim to have made it in the world, albeit in a very minor way.

Many years ago, when I was working for Radio Caroline I had one of the very first analogue mobile phones, bought and partly paid for by the organisation. It was a useful business tool, and served well until I discovered that it was being tapped by the authorities in the weeks prior to the August 19th 1989 raid on the Ross Revenge by British and Dutch authorities. After this (and also the fact it cost an absolute fortune to run) I sold it on and that was the end of my dealings with mobile phones for years. The analogue low band UHF technology in use in the first and second generation phones was clunky and fairly unreliable, but it was regarded as being relatively safe for use around humans, the useable frequencies in the UK being (from memory) 916 - 920 MHz.

Then things changed and the mobile telephone system went GSM and Digital. No spotty nerd (i.e - me) with a radio scanner could now listen in to your supposedly private conversation. The down side was that the frequency range in use moved up the band to 1.1GHz. And guess what? This is EXACTLY the same frequency band used by domestic microwave ovens. Humans are around 80% water and microwave ovens work by vibrating the water molecules within the food, thus heating and cooking the food. Ever wondered why long calls on your mobile telephone leave both your phone and the side of your head warm? Part of it is the electrical discharge of the battery causing it to warm up, but much is due to you being heated by microwaves. Forget the base station complaints and disputes by the under educated and too much time on their hands types such as Primary School mums and others of the hard of thinking brigade - it is the hand sets you should really be worried about. The Inverse Square Law dictates that any radiating device held close to your head will have an effect somewhat disproprtionate to its' rated output power.

In the 1920's, many doctors had a premium cure for patients suffering from Asthma. They recommended that the sufferer took up smoking. Absolutely true. The nicotine content of the cigarette smoke suppresses some of the symptoms of Asthma in the short term; of course in the longer term it is likely to kill you. Mobile phones will certainly prove to be the same; I have visions that in a few short years a version of the Day of the Triffids will become true - the mobile phone users will become drooling brain damaged zombies, leaving just a tiny minority of sane, non mobile telephone using people to rule the country, in the same way that the people who looked at the comets in the story were blinded, leaving a handful of people left unaffected. Extreme maybe, but the principle holds true. I predict a similar scandal to that which broke in the mid 1960's with Blue Asbestos

Aside from the health issues, I have major issues with the whole concept of being both contactable (and trackable) whenever and wherever you are. Even ten years ago, only a small percentage of people carried mobile phones - in that period, just what exactly has changed that means most of the British population need to be on call like a para medic or fire fighter? It is all rubbish and feeds into the hands of the multi national companies that run the mobile telephone networks like private fiefdoms. A vast majority of people have no read need for a mobile telephone, they just want one. It is all vacuous and self serving in the extreme. It feeds the users' feelings of self importance that they have to be in contact 24/7. Utter tosh.

Using a mobile telephone, do you really wish to be associated with the drooling, slack jawed Chavs, sitting on the train with their feet on the seats (and don't get me started about that - instant summary execution for anybody committing that offence on public transport - but I digress) who loudly and inarticulately call their "Cru" saying "yeah, I'm on the train now" - I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOU PILE OF FESTERING SCUM! I did actually try to buy a mobile phone jammer to free me of the incessant inane jabber of other train passengers who for no adequately explored reason could not wait twenty minutes to impart their vacuous mal formed thoughts to their brood mates, gang members or drug smuggling compatriots. Unfortunately they are illegal under the 1949 Wireless Telegraphy Act, which is a bit of a bugger, but there you go.

And then there are all the accessories, extra functions, ring tones and other ephemera that fascinate scrunchy wearing 14 year old girls for the year before they get their first proto Chav sprog, pram and a guaranteed council flat. WHY do you need a camera, a media player, a games console and all the other junk pedalled by big business with you all of the time? I see rows of heads on public transport, all zombiefied - transfixed by this new format - technological opium for the masses.

I retain my individuality, personality and quality of life by refusing to join the Borg like masses who subvert their personalities and freedom of choice into the morass of mobile telephone virtual ephemera. Be honest with yourself whilst you still have some self awareness left - deep down, you do realise that it is all kak. Don't you?


  1. I use a "mob" as part of my business and I need it for... Ah bollocks, no it's all kak as you say Hugh. F**k technology, I'm of to the stables to have a real conversation with a horse.

  2. My, should we start calling you Captain Grumpy?

    Congrat's on the Google-ness of your Blog! So when can we expect to see "Arthur Pewty's maggot sandwich" t-shirts?!

    With regards to this posting:
    Now i dunno.
    I must admit your argument about phones does hold alot of water (mind you so does a bath) BUT I have a mobile and the reason I do is because of the ability to have a means of contact, a camera (I love taking snaps, hey the one's of you with Allen's car and with Shelly & Fluff were from my phone!), an MP3 player, a FM radio etc etc all in one package which is damn useful! My current phone is exactly what I've been after for the past 5 years or so, I actually use most of the functions on my raprod.
    I admit it's very easy, too easy to get sucked in to a 2" screen but I do count myself in the minority as I say the mobile is there for MY convenience when I need it not to be attached 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I have the attitude that if a phone rings I can make the decision to answer it or not which seems the opposite to most people I know!
    I must admit i rarely use my phone as a calling device so never have "warm phone syndrome", I mainly text as it cuts out the cr*p. In a text I can say what i need to, straight to the point.
    I remember the days of listening into conversations on your scanner thing, one really sticks in my mind, intercepting a call between Health Inspectors about maggots being found in an onion barjee from a local takeaway.

    You seem to be mostly concerned with the health problems which is admirable but if as you say " phone users will become drooling brain damaged zombies, leaving just a tiny minority of sane, non mobile telephone using people to rule the country" I thought you'd be happy with that idea!

    As for smoking I know I'm guilty of partaking of the evil weed & I can confirm it does help asthma IN SOME CASES.
    I try and justify that as I only smoke when i drink (and then only at weekends, never at home/work/in the car etc) I'm not the same as your 10/20 a day brigade...Sorry I'm going off topic, meant to just sat smoking can help asthma!
    Actually one thing that REALLY gets my goat is people smoking while driving. It's maybe acceptable on a long motorway drive (long straight roads) but in an urban envronment it should be banned. You can't give to road your full attention plus surly you can wait till the end of your trip to suck down toxins?!
    I get incandescent with rage (TM) if I'm in a car and someone sparks up AND then answers their phone.
    I've been known to take the phone offa them and chuck it on the back seat or shout so they can't take the call!