Saturday, April 28, 2007

The only non smoker in Erith?

I am strongly of the opinion I have been too laid back and relaxed in relation to my Blog postings over the last month or so - I have been lacking the bile and invective that has characterised me for so long. Time to put that right.

I think that I am quite possibly the only non smoker in the whole of the town of Erith. Everywhere I see the local knuckle dragging, pasty faced pond life lighting up various noxious cheroots of unmentionable origin. It is all very depressing - although a little spark of hope glistens in the distance when I consider that all this anti social puffing will in time result in another kind of puffing - of their corpses as they make their way as smoke up the crematorium chimney, in the final act of environmental pollution. It appears that as soon as you have made it past reception class at school, you are issued with twenty Lambert and Butler cigarettes. I regularly see proto Chavs and Chavettes who can only be eight or nine years old, dragging away as if they have been smokers for years. Hopefully their inevitable burden on the NHS system will be both brief and painfully terminal. I have on a number of memorable occasions witnessed teenage mothers doling out fags to their already small and undernourished offspring - the most recent occurrence was at Belvedere railway station where I saw children of no more than six or seven years old being given cigarettes by their Mum. Depressing - you can just see the whole cycle recurring in a few short years.

And another thing. Tattoos. WHY? Why on earth do people pollute their bodies with this vile form of personal graffti? It is cheap looking, degrading and makes the recipient look like a docker or prison inmate. The results are always less than the sum of their parts. Discuss and leave a response via the reader comments option below, please.

Things I like - part one.

Tweed jackets and being a proper Chap.
Real Ale.
Jaguar cars.
Shortwave Radio.
Doctor Who.
The Porsche 928 S4. A really decent photo can be seen here.

When I first uploaded this missive, I also attached a video clip of the incomparable Spinal Tap, and the 1992 track -"The Majesty of Rock". Unfortunately the killjoys at YouTube decided that the clip was the copyright of Viacom, and pulled it from the site. Consequently the link broke so I have taken it down. Instead here is a clip of an experimental robot that is designed to interact with people. Shades of the android Ash in the original Alien movie I think.


  1. HURRAH!
    At last a Pewty-Blog that has BITE! I agree it has been lacking the bile and invective that SO characterises you recently, was wondering if all the bile had been brought up!

    I can just imagine as you posted the piccy that accompanies this Blog you automatically without-thinking looked at the Chav's and worked out your shots...

    I must admit I do think that women who smoke while pushing pushchairs should automatically have their children taken into care.
    A friends partner does that ALL the time and it drives me MAD. What can't you WAIT till your not near your child till you spark up??! I mean the poor kids STRAPPED into its seat and your wafting poison gas over it.
    Smart move!
    Mind you Mr.P as you've never smoked it's difficult to describe the attraction. Nearest thing I can liken it to taste wise is a good cup of strong coffee or maybe that’s just me.
    I hate seeing smoking in public BUT I completely disagree with a ban its not up to Government to decide but then I’ve only ever smoked when I have a drink so could go days, weeks without a ciggy.
    Actually Lambert & Butler although the dregs of cheap fags is GREAT with a cup o’ tea!
    HANG ON! I didn’t start smoking till I started hanging out with you when I was about 17 so I hold you (& Bongo) responsible!

    TATTOOS..Ah! Now see I agree!
    Saying that though I have always liked the idea of having a tatt' but as can never settle on what I want I’ve never sullied my flesh. I’m REALLY not fond of “tribal” tattoo’s they look so dated to me, mind you I love some of the bands tattoo’s, Gary has the worst it’s supposed to be a Gothic bat agains a full moon but it actually looks like a Bin-liner against a Digestive biscuit! Joe has the coolest, a Rush 2112 tattoo on the inside of his forearm.
    One thing I don’t like is tattoo’s on women, not sure why but leaves me cold. Think it’s cos I can draw 99% of the time I think how cr*p the designs are.
    Another thing that seems popular is having your children’s names on you. Now I must admit as a bloke I can now I’m a parent sorta see the attraction (don’t know why, it’s a sort of primeval thing, weird but I have higher brain functions so I can choose to control my urges..LOL!) but hate it when women have their kids names on their wrist it looks so cheap.
    Very popular in Erith.
    Actually there's one person I know who it looks classy on but thats cos the writings tiny.

    Shame no Spinal Tap clip!

  2. Couldn't agree more, especially about tattoos. You know what's even worse than all these celtic tattoos that make you look like every other berk on the beach [might as well get a barcode on the back of your neck]? People who want a tattoo of writing in a language they can't read and do not understand [like Beckham's Indian rendering of his wife's name]. Now that really is sad, and of course you will never know that the artist actually wrote "i am a knobhead" in Japanese.

    Not that it will make you feel any better, but Woolwich is full of the blighters too.

    More bile please :)

  3. Think you are being unfair on the fine upstanding chavs of Erith, who are voluntarily laying down their lives in the interests of the nation, what do you think the pension crisis would be like if they choose to give up, think of the cost of all those extra OAP bus passes.

    It is difficult enough to shop at the weekend as it is without more of the feckless over 65 scrongers, getting under your feet, tripping you up with their walking sticks, or running you over with their dammed electric buggies.

    I salute the good chavs of Erith, who are doing their bit to spare us the curse that is old people.

  4. As a tattooed smoking (but very rich) scum bag, I have to say that one does not agree with said blog.

    Smoking makes you look cool and tattoos make you look hard. Nuff said.