Sunday, September 17, 2006

The thoughts of Chairman Arthur - part one.

Possibly the publicity poster for the forthcoming Indiana Jones 4 movie. Who knows?

Things that currently are not criminal offences, but to my mind really should be:

Knowingly being common.
Wilful use of a mobile telephone on public transport.
Looking at me "in a funny way".
Possession of an offensive dog.
Going equipped to be a Chav.
Wearing a football shirt in a built up area during the hours of darkness.
Eating junk food on public transport.
Being tattooed in a public place during the hours of daylight.

Drinking Magner's Irish Cider / Stella / Fosters / Carling or anything "extra cold" anywhere ever - a sure sign of incivility, lack of culture and incipient Chavness. You cannot be both a Chav and drink real ale - yin and yang - two concepts that are diametrically opposed. Exposed to a beautifully served pint of, say Adnam's Broadside, a Chav would implode, following the natural rules of the universe.

Owning a motor car with "modifications" such as a spoiler, neon underlights or other such guff. Why spend a fortune customising a common or garden shopping car, when you could have used the money to buy something half decent in the first place? As Earl Okin once said:

“To drive a car without a walnut fascia is unthinkable. Along with leather seats, it proclaims that one is driving a 'motor car' and not merely a 'car'.”

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